Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
