i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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