there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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