And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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