____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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