How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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