Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
