Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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