Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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