How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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