there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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