he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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