it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
