Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
