I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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