from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
