whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
