dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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