Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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