Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
