My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
