Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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