Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
