I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I party with great urgency now.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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