My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
