if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
