Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
