next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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