u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
