I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
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im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.