you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
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When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
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YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.