Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  when does round two start

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent

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  (202): when does round two start (703): I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent http://tfl.nu/4op2
  Replies (0) Good night (1251) Bad night (640)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how

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  (405): there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how http://tfl.nu/0o4u
  Replies (10) Good night (3810) Bad night (728)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from England

  mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.

  (+44): View more from England

  "and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"

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  (+44): mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes. (+44): "and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'" http://tfl.nu/aeg7
  Replies (32) Good night (4494) Bad night (1456)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry

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  (816): I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry http://tfl.nu/7m65
  Replies (25) Good night (920) Bad night (4479)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place

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  (919): There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place http://tfl.nu/pg5t
  Replies (6) Good night (854) Bad night (3837)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume

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  (703): Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume http://tfl.nu/akez
  Replies (9) Good night (2459) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?

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  (615): His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win? http://tfl.nu/uubh
  Replies (11) Good night (2307) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.

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  (406): Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit. http://tfl.nu/3sfk
  Replies (14) Good night (3662) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?

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  (+61): Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here? http://tfl.nu/9sbn
  Replies (2) Good night (1137) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.

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  (847): Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch. http://tfl.nu/loso
  Replies (8) Good night (1013) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.

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  (484): You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now. http://tfl.nu/l9he
  Replies (4) Good night (657) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home

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  (608): I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home http://tfl.nu/rt92
  Replies (6) Good night (1250) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.

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  (530): im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either. http://tfl.nu/lxlu
  Replies (5) Good night (540) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.

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  (862): Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued. http://tfl.nu/kpbb
  Replies (2) Good night (459) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever

  (281): View more from Texas

  I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE

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  (713): You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever (281): I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE http://tfl.nu/gxon
  Replies (4) Good night (995) Bad night (346)

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