So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
please come you make the beer taste better
seriously i just wanna be friends
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent