Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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