the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
