I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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