he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
