my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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