Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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