Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I faked an abortion last night.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
