U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
