I love having hate sex.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
