if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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