I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
