If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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