Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
