I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The Olympian is in my bed
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
