I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
