I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
