Someone shit on the floor
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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