So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
