so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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