'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This house was built for laser tag.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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