is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
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I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
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Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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