1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
