yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
