My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
