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I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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