She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
