I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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