dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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