sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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