you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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