This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
