Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
