is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
