thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
