Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
