Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
