After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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