this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
